I pre-voted David. It looks weird since I've been calling him a goat, but what he did for me was beyond-the-game amazing, and I can't let him go out without getting any votes because of it.
I am excited for FTC - I am more than a little devastated I wasn't at the F4 tribal council (internet issues, naturally) - I would've chosen #2 as well :P darn! But such is life. I wish it were me sitting up there in front of the jury - I know everyone wishes that, but I was
so close and I think I probably would have won the whole thing if I had. Part of me wants to just scream at people about it - I'm so frustrated with 4th place, especially since I'm sitting here because of Whitney. It's just the worst thing ever. I feel like I played this game better than all 3 of the people up there, so it makes this vote a really tough one - the only person I can say genuinely outdid me was Stephanie during that last challenge. Call that big-headed, but I genuinely feel that way.
So whether I go into FTC and explode or whether I go in and say nothing at all but a copy/paste of a speech that I genuinely don't care about is really up in the air.
Part of me wants to vote "Fuck you all Vote: Ashley" and vote myself anyway
I don't know what I'm going to do about my actual vote though. Do I vote Stephanie or do I vote David? I feel like I SHOULD vote for Stephanie because she's the one up there who legitimately outdid me at F4 - she busted her ass to win that challenge. David I don't want to go down as a no-vote-getter :( I think Stephanie will win and maybe my vote isn't needed for her, y'know?
I kind of want to air things out with Mike - tell him I appreciate the game he's played, and he can call me bitter if he wants, but he shouldn't have sent me that PM and it's costing him my vote, simple as that. If he wins without it, congratulations - I won't begrudge him the victory, but I'm not going to help him get there.
Can you confirm whether they will have access to PMs during FTC? I want to ask Stephanie and Mike what they wrote to me in the PMs that I never got to read.
---------------
SPEECH
Firstly - omg everyone check me out. See how well I clean up after nice shower and some quality time away from all you bitches?Hi everyone. I want to say thanks for keeping my seat warm, you can all stand up and let me take my rightful place in front of the jury now!
But seriously:
![Image](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tRgp402C6WA/UmopL0hNPNI/AAAAAAAABrI/Gvv9vHEu52o/s1600/tumblr_mu2obpD9os1qiu71co1_400-thumb-500x281-15088.gif)
I just want to get this out of the way: This speech is just me airing out my feeling towards all of you - what really matters is how you answer my questions. Whatever you read in my speech is how I was feeling when I was cut, and is taken directly from my confessionals. I want you all to get a sense of what it's like to just miss out on the FTC, and understand my perspective going into this evening. David, my feelings towards you did a complete 180 after that tribal, so please keep that in mind when you read this. I was rather harsh during this time.The Moment I realised my game was over:Ashley wrote:i don't want to do this anymore. it's been 10 hours and Steph's managing to post faster than my browser will even refresh. I'm so fucking pissed off that after all this, and the shit of the last week i've had to put up with, I get taken out by this.
Jeff Probst wrote:Don't give up gurl, this is a 24 hour challenge and there may be times she's not online.
Ashley wrote:that is not going to happen and we both know that.
I don't want to do a 24 hour challenge when two fucking goat assholes just sit there waiting to get taken to Final 3.
Even if I did manage to win this I'd take Stephanie with me, threat or no. She's putting in the hard yards at least.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Here's what I wrote post-elmination:
Ashley wrote:But I continued in that challenge for TEN HOURS before having an emotional breakdown and withdrew. I couldn't handle it anymore. I'd had such a rough time in real life this last week (the main reason I was traveling was because of a major death in the family) and knowing I was getting taken out because of a shitty internet connection was crushing me - as soon as I hit 7000 posts and saw Stephanie was already at 8600 I actually started crying. I PMd Jeff and Stephanie telling them I quit and I couldn't deal with the stress of it anymore.
We all knew what was coming:
Mike, we spoke a little bit about F4 after everything was said and done, but I don't think you realise the impact you had on me at the time. I have been just seething with anger at you for days over the whole situation and to you, in my final words, I had this to say:
Stephanie, this is how I feel towards your thrashing me in that challenge:
I don't know anything about you before Kristina's elimination and to be honest - that hurts you for me. For all I know, you did nothing and then skated by on your idol finds and pulled it out at the last challenge. Is finding idols worthy of winning this game? I don't know. But what I do know is that you killed that last challenge, nobody can pretend you didn't slog it out for 11 hours, only stopping when I told you TWICE that I had quit almost an hour before you eventually did stop. I respect your honesty with me more than you can know. I don't hold it against you deciding not to take me to F3, even though it's not the decision I would have made personally. You made a strategic decision and I respect that.
And finally, to David:
Don't ever think I don't appreciate what you did for me at F4. That was outside-the-game quality human being action right there. There was no benefit to you at all in making the move you did, so know that although I can't say I think you played the best game ever, you are 100% redeemed in my eyes. You are fabulous.
QUESTIONS
To The Group - Tell me something about your game that makes you believe you deserve to be in F3 more than me. This is a genuine question and will affect how I vote. Giving a piss-poor answer like "well I made it here and you didn't" will automatically disqualify you. Because:
David - my lovely David, I think you can understand why I don't have any questions for you. But if you want, feel free to answer the Group Question. :)
Mike - What was the content of the last PM you sent to me? Please copy/paste it. In addition, if you want any chance of getting my vote, I'd like you to copy/paste
that message you sent to me during the F4 challenge. You know the one.
Stephanie - Same question: What was the content of the last PM you sent to me? Please copy/paste it.
Lots of Love,
Ashley